Remembering Jayne and the Gift of Life she gave to others
Gemma Kavanagh is part of our BWC team and helps care for patients and families through her role as a Nutritional Care Nurse. In 2020, she tragically lost her mum, Jayne. Before her sudden death, she had registered her decision to be an organ donor and told her loved ones of her wishes.
Gemma has bravely shared her family’s story to support Organ Donation Week.
On 11 June 2020, my whole world turned upside down. My wonderful mum went into cardiac arrest whilst out in the car with my daughter. After 30 minutes, Paramedics managed to bring her back. She was blue-lighted to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham where she was ventilated and transferred to critical care.
As it was during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic we were unable to visit. We spent days sobbing, anxiously waiting, hoping and praying for good news.
After what seemed like the longest five days, we received the call we did not want to hear. Unfortunately, brain stem cell tests confirmed my precious mother would not recover. Once life support was withdrawn, she would not be able to sustain life and would pass away.
Nothing could ever prepare me for the unbearable pain that I felt. My world crumbled in that moment. My mum was only 59. We shouldn’t be having these conversations. We had plans for the next day, the weekend, the future. I never thought the dinner we shared together only a few days before would have been our last and we would now be talking about the end of her life.
Knowing we were going to hospital to discuss withdrawal of care. I knew we would be asked about organ donation.
I thought it was something we should discuss before the day; however it was a decision that neither my dad, my sister and I hesitated with. We all knew Mum’s wishes and we wanted to honour them.
Mum had a heart of gold. She always put everyone first, always helping everyone and anyone in life, so it was only natural that she continued to help others after her death.
We actually broached the discussion about organ donation with the team on the day. After meeting with the medical staff, we were introduced to our Specialist Nurse, Clemi, who was so kind and respectful of ours and my mum's wishes. She discussed the process with us and explained the short window of time they have for organs to remain viable after removal.
The following day my dad, sister, daughter and I said goodbye to our wonderful, most-loving mother.
We held her hands tight and told her not to be scared, and that we would look after each other. After five minutes we watched her take her last breath and she was gone.
We had to leave soon after so she could be taken to theatre. I can’t explain how lost and surreal it felt going home, trying to comprehend what had just happened, in our grief we clung to the last bit of hope, waiting for the call to tell us that something good would come out of her death.
After a few hours, we received that call. Clemi had looked after my mum throughout. She told us that the organs were successfully retrieved, viable for transplant and that we would receive a letter with more information after a few weeks.
On the day of the funeral, we received that letter. We were told the transplants had been successful. Two people received her kidneys and another had a lifesaving liver transplant.
It was so emotional to read and to arrive on that day of all the days. Reminding us of the lasting gift she has given.
As a Nutritional Care Nurse, I support children who have intestinal failure. I see the other side of organ donation. I see how sick those children are that need a transplant, their health deteriorating, constantly in and out of hospital. I am also fortunate to see first-hand how lives are transformed by the Gift of Life.
I always think about my mom’s three recipients and wonder how different life is for them.
I hope they treasure and cherish her every day like we do. I often write to the Transplant service for an update to check on their well-being. All are doing well and starting to return to their ‘new normal’, which is amazing to know.
We are yet to hear from any of the recipients directly, but we would love to one day hear from them to know the difference she has made in their lives.
As a family, we will always feel cheated she was taken away too soon. It’s something we will never get over, but knowing she has helped others has given us the strength and comfort to get through each day.
We had never discussed with my mum what she would want to happen when she died. What songs she wanted to be played at her funeral, what hymns to sing or where she would want her ashes scattered.
All those things we had to decide and wonder if it is what she would have wanted but the one thing we were most certain and proud of, was that we could honour her wish to help others after her death. To help save the lives of as many people as possible.
No one can ever prepare you for a tragic and unexpected loss. There are so many things left unsaid, plans changed in the blink of an eye, the pain you feel when losing a loved one is hard to describe.
Organ donation has given us hope and comfort knowing she wasn’t taken away from us for nothing. It has given us strength in our grief knowing she has enabled others to live, to see their children or grandchildren grow, to make plans for the future.
We are so grateful to the Family Donor Network and the NHS Blood and Transplant Service for the continued support they give us.
It is really touching that organ donors are never forgotten. Always remembering our loved ones and our donor families, sending cards on anniversaries, little gifts every Christmas.
We attended the beautiful Gift of life ceremony at the National Memorial Arboretum, where my mum was remembered amongst many other donors.
In October 2022, my mum was posthumously awarded the Order of St John. It was an absolute privilege to attend the ceremony and we were honoured to accept it on her behalf in recognition of her unselfish actions.
It was a heartfelt and respectful service and so incredibly humbling to be with so many other grieving families, all in similar situations trying to find the light in a tragic situation. It helped to remind us all of the difference organ donation makes.
There are a million things that change and take on new meanings when you lose your mum. Nothing has the same brightness, it is the hardest feeling to explain. There is never a day where I do not miss her or wish that I could hear her voice just one more time.
Whilst I miss her terribly, it’s amazing to think that three people have a chance of life because of her. Organ donation makes such a difference to so many lives.
They say, “The greatest heroes are the organ donors who save lives”.
I’m so proud to say my mom is one of these angel heroes. I will never stop telling the world about her, and I’m so proud of my family and I, for making that decision to honour her wishes.
Life is precious, love every moment, never miss an opportunity to hug those you love and tell them how much you love them.
I hope by sharing my story, I can encourage those of you who haven’t signed the register to do just that.
If you have done the amazing thing and said ‘yes’, share your wishes and leave your loved ones certain.”
We're encouraging everyone to register their wishes online and then to 'have the chat' with their loved ones. Do so now quickly and simply via the Organ Donation website.